Deconstructing The Grammy Awards (Plus Some Predictions)
Clear your mantle, Ms. Adkins. There are more on the way.
You can say this much about the Grammys: They can’t even exploit obvious ratings-friendly plotlines right.
Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy came out late enough in 2010 to be eligible for this year’s Grammy Awards, not to mention being a masterpiece and an “Album of the Decade” contender. Taylor Swift’s Speak Now was also released in that same eligibility period and would constitute a nomination for a critically-respected artist and commercially-dominant superstar. The juicy storyline of a head-to-head battle between the two figures at the center of that infamous 2009 MTV Video Music Awards incident playing out on stage during “music’s biggest night” was a no-brainer.
So of course, the Grammys snub them both and give pointless nominations to Bruno Mars and Rihanna.
Of all the frivolous, inessential awards shows, the Grammys arguably top them all. No awards voting bloc has continuously got it wrong more frequently and seemed more detached from the history they ostensibly exist to celebrate. I’m actually of the opinion that awards shows can serve a valuable purpose in the creative community as a way of immortalizing the rich history of an art form, with each ceremony serving as an isolated time capsule of the contemporary landscape of the art form in question.
But when you’ve given more awards to Beyonce than The Beatles, you kinda lose credibility with me.
Out of all the creative art forms, music fans traditionally have the most unique and eclectic tastes. Yet it seems as if Grammy voters quickly abandon any attempt at the difficult task of evaluating all the diverse genres and formulating a consensus on what was the best among them all and instead just nominate whichever artist everyone has heard of or some old guy they remember their parents ignoring. Examining the archive of past Grammy nominees would lead you to believe their scope of musical knowledge is limited to whatever’s on the CD rack at your local car wash.
No field has a bigger and weirder disconnect between the critical community at large and the academy members who vote for their awards than the Grammys. Tune-Yards won The Village Voice‘s Pazz and Jop poll for album of the year (the poll tallies up any and all available critics’ votes across all outlets and platforms and crowns their winner based on the results of those tabulations); Metacritic’s calculations found Tom Waits’s Bad As Me to be the highest-rated album of 2011 after aggregating critics’ scores. Both of these distinctions were based on critical consensus as determined by the votes of people who are paid to absorb music of all types and evaluate it accordingly. Yet knowing the Grammys’ history, I don’t need to tell you how many nominations Mr. Waits and Tune-Yards’ Merrill Garbus received.
The Oscars certainly disrespect comedy and overinflate the value of saccharine period pieces, but they usually heap accolades on movies that have some adulation. At the very least, The Godfather won Best Picture. Meanwhile, The Beatles were nominated for Album of the Year five consecutive years; they lost twice to Frank Sinatra, and once each to Glen Campbell and Blood, Sweat and Tears.
The Grammys routinely say they don’t base their nominations on chart results, but even taking them at their word on that, the nominations often convey the notion of a completely ignorant and tone-deaf (ironic choice of words for music evaluators) voting body. You sometimes get the feeling that these people spent the last year perusing a completely different iTunes account or CD store from the people who write about this stuff for a living or consume diverse acts and genres on a regular basis. We’re in a world where Katy Perry can rightfully claim she had the song(s) of the summer of 2010 with “California Girls” and “Teenage Dream” even though she didn’t release her album until the last week of August. In other words, it’s an appropriate sign of the times that Perry’s record label realized an iTunes single is a more valuable commodity to promote than an album with 80% filler. So what do the Grammys do? Nominate her for Album of the Year in 2011.
(In recent years, the Grammys have followed such a routine formula that I’d like to try to predict the 2013 Album of the Year nominees now, without ever hearing them or even knowing for sure whether they’ll be released: Bruce Springsteen (the beloved and bulletproof veteran icon); Odd Future (the controversial lightning rod choice); whatever Taylor Swift puts out; whoever has the most top 10 singles on iTunes (regardless of the quality of the album as a whole); and the first out-of-left-field indie choice voters saw the one time they clicked on Stereogum. And never count out some cheesy nomination like the upcoming G.O.O.D. music compilation—it’s a slapdash way to hand a bunch of different artists awards at once as a way to make up for overlooking their past individual accomplishments. We’ll call this the O Brother Where Art Thou Soundtrack strategy. Moving on.)
Great art should challenge conventions and try to incorporate a syncretic mix of past styles and influences and current trends into something wholly original and of its time. People are complaining The Artist shouldn’t win the Oscar for Best Picture because it’s pandering to nostalgia lovers rather than trying something daring and original. Yet the Grammys have been doing this sort of nostalgia pandering for 50+ years (as have soup commercials, anything on the Hallmark Movie Channel, and every Republican presidential candidate since Reagan, but I digress). While music continues to be dynamic and ever-changing, the Grammys have continually followed the same worn-out formula.
All that being said, 2011 did present us with a surprising and refreshing development, as the Grammys at least tried to stay relevant. Last year was the most entertaining show of my lifetime. From a television perspective, they made the shrewd choice to deemphasize the awards and shift the focal point to the performance aspect. If you give me Cee-Lo in a peacock outfit with puppets or Bob Dylan performing “Maggie’s Farm” with The Avett Brothers and Mumford and Sons, you’ve got my eyeballs.
This year’s nominees—on the whole and relative to past disastrous years—are also worth celebrating, even if some aren’t emblematic of the most important music of the past year. (They even managed to fight off the certainly overwhelming urge to nominate Tony Bennett and Amy Winehouse’s pleasant but unmemorable “Body and Soul” for Record of the Year, a song that had “Grammy bait” written all over it. It’s like I don’t even know these voters anymore.) This is a reflection of the two watershed moments that occurred last year. The first happened when they bypassed tween darling Justin Bieber as Best New Artist in favor of virtually unknown jazz bassist Esperanza Spalding. (The Bieber fans had a very respectful, measured response to this decision.)
But more significantly, Album of the Year went to Canadian indie rockers Arcade Fire over Ladys Antebellum and Gaga, Katy Perry, and Eminem. The Suburbs win was the first time I can remember in which an album that may have actually been the best album of the year was recognized as such by the Grammys. (I had it as either the second- or third-best album behind Kanye’s, which wasn’t eligible, and alongside LCD Soundsystem’s, which was eligible, but…let’s not push our luck here. It’s the Grammys.)
But even when the Grammy voters got it right and the ratings and strong performances reflected some of their outside the box decisions—it was their highest-rated telecast in ten years—there was still dissent. Social media exploded with “Who is Arcade Fire?” queries, despite the fact that The Suburbs was the band’s third album and their prior two releases were hailed as among the best albums of the decade. Some weren’t merely confused but upset with the decision; I assume the outrage stemmed from the fact that the masses didn’t recall hearing their music in any Jiffy Lube waiting rooms that year the way they did with the other nominees. It was the Grammys’ boldest, most audacious move in recent memory, a clever and unexpected strive for immediacy and relevance. But it’s like Fry once said on Futurama about being clever and unexpected: “Clever things make people feel stupid, and unexpected things make them feel scared. TV audiences don’t want anything original. They wanna see the same thing they’ve seen a thousand times before.”
Go figure: The Grammys finally get it right, and there’s still a contingent ready with a backlash. C’est la vie.
Where the Grammys go from here is uncertain, but fortunately for them, they got a one-year reprieve in the form of a husky-voiced Brit with a broken heart that had the kind of crossover appeal that’s both timely, timeless, and won’t alienate anyone. For Grammy executives, it’s like Tom Petty once sang: “You Got Lucky.” (Note: That song won zero Grammys.)
Anyway, that’s my love/hate relationship with the awards show with the most checkered history. They’ve gotten it wrong so many times, there might not be a less credible voting bloc, and they repeatedly attempt to atone for the sins of voting past by getting it wrong again in the future—we’re at a point where I can fully envision android Don Henley and cyborg Linda Ronstadt awarding Radiohead’s 19th-best record Album of the Year at the 2052 ceremony to make up for snubbing Kid A. But hey, as long as they continue to hand out gramophone-shaped trophies every year to commemorate the best the music industry had to offer, every award they get right from this point forward is one less misfire my great-great-great-grandchildren will have to look back at in horror the way I do with my dad’s music and these awards.
Here’s my prediction for the big four categories and a smattering of picks from ten others:
Record of the Year:
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Bon Iver, “Holocene”
Bruno Mars, “Grenade”
Mumford & Sons, “The Cave”
Katy Perry, “Firework”
I’m on record with the fact that three of these nominees were among my 21 best songs of the year. Plus, Bruno Mars’s “Grenade” is his most tolerable song. And “Firework” happened.
But let’s cut to the chase: Everyone from indie and alternative fans like myself to mainstream Top 40 people had no problem declaring Adele’s energetic throwback crossover smash the song of the year. Plus, it’s got the added subplot that it’s Adele’s first time back in the spotlight after much-publicized throat surgery in November. The Grammy people aren’t geniuses, but they also don’t whiff on a slow pitch softball down the middle like this.
Who should win: Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Who will win: Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Album of the Year:
Adele, 21
Foo Fighters, Wasting Light
Lady Gaga, Born This Way
Bruno Mars, Doo-Wops & Hooligans
Rihanna, Loud
This is where these people drive me nuts. Bruno Mars and Rihanna are singles artists, and they’d probably admit as much after a couple cocktails. To them, “albums” are those things iTunes sells so people can get all their radio hits at once. In other words, they have no business being in this category.
Wasting Light was my favorite Foo Fighters album since One By One and served as a strong counterpoint to the people declaring modern rock had no pulse. (I’ve pointed out that people have been unsuccessfully trying to bury rock music for over 20 years and keep getting it wrong, but it’s a whole, long, separate argument.)
While Adele’s monster hits jumped out at me right away, I initially shrugged off a few of the album tracks. But 21 as a whole entity has grown on me, and voters have had plenty of time to repeatedly absorb it all due to the fact it’s been in the public consciousness for nearly a full year. The complexities and stylistic shifts in her voice and arrangements make the album a showcase for a talent striving to transcend the one-dimensional instant gratification that came with more fiery numbers like “Rolling In The Deep” and “Rumour Has It.” She even found a way to reinvent The Cure’s “Love Song.” Anytime you can get soccer moms to Google “Robert Smith,” you’ve done your job.
Who should win: Adele, 21
Who will win: Adele, 21
Song of the Year:
Kanye West, “All of the Lights”
Mumford & Sons, “The Cave”
Bruno Mars, “Grenade”
Bon Iver, “Holocene”
Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Question that gets asked too often and becomes less clever each year: What’s the difference between Record and Song of the Year? Are they just trying to hand out more awards? (One is for the complete composition; the other is awarded to the songwriter(s) exclusively.)
Question not asked often enough: How can you possibly have a great record without great lyrics accompanying it?
When asked in a Rolling Stone feature about his songwriting, Bruno Mars admitted, “I don’t overthink it. I’m not a poetic guy. I’m not gonna Shakespeare it out. If I want to write a song about how I love a girl’s ass, it’s gonna go, ‘I love your ass.’” The Grammys heeded the sentiments of that master wordsmith and nominated him as one of the year’s five best songwriters. Way to Shakespeare it out, Grammys.
Elsewhere, I feel like if they want to infuse the academy members with some indie cred, this is the spot to hand Justin Vernon an award for “Holocene.” As stated previously on this blog, I was a huge fan of Bon Iver’s latest album and “Holocene” in particular. But with all due respect, we’d need the second coming of “Like a Rolling Stone,” “Yesterday,” or “Sympathy for the Devil” to pop up in this category to stop the Adele juggernaut.
Who should win: Bon Iver, “Holocene”
Who will win: Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Best New Artist:
The Band Perry
Bon Iver
J. Cole
Nicki Minaj
Skrillex
Esperanza Spalding’s win over Justin Bieber irrevocably altered how I look at this award. Plus, the recording academy didn’t retroactively erase any trace of Adele’s existence prior to 2011 in order to make her eligible (she actually won this award in 2009, as a matter of fact), so I really have no idea.
When he wasn’t playing Saturday Night Live or picking fights with Hipster Runoff, Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon took some shots at the Grammys and the ceremony producers for only allowing him to perform in the form of a collaboration; that move pretty much killed “Holocene”‘s chance to pull a Suburbs-type upset, which was the direction I was originally leaning, even though Bon Iver is not “new” in any sense and released a critically-lauded album four years ago. At this point, even if the voting concluded before his comments and he was indeed the winner, they’d just have the random presenter on stage cross-promoting some CBS procedural pull a last-second Jack Palance-style move and give the award to the “It’s So Cold In The D” people or something.
Instead, let’s just say last year’s formula repeats: This year’s favorite, Nicki Minaj—a genuine talent who has shown some flashes of greatness—gets passed over for the out-of-left-field pick, Skrillex. I fully expect belligerent Justin Bieber fans to trash his Wikipedia page Monday morning.
Who should win: Bon Iver
Who will win: Skrillex
Best Pop Duo/Group Performance:
Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse, “Body and Soul”
The Black Keys, “Dearest”
Coldplay, “Paradise”
Foster The People, “Pumped Up Kicks”
Maroon 5 & Christina Aguilera, “Moves Like Jagger”
I just love this category because everything about it is so shamelessly calculated in the way only the Grammys can be. Here’s how:
“Body and Soul”: The iconic Tony Bennett and the dead R&B songstress the Grammys already salivated over in 2008. Together! On the same track!
“Dearest”: A Buddy Holly cover from a random tribute album, but it gets the hottest rock band in America to attend the ceremony while also serving as a backhanded way to compensate for the snubbing of Holly during his lifetime.
“Paradise”: Coldplay is in the pop song category here, but “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” is up for Best Rock Performance despite the fact “Teardrop” is far poppier (and wimpier). At this point, I even checked Best World Music Recording to see if “Princess of China” was nominated based solely on title.
“Pumped Up Kicks”: Undoubtedly one of the year’s biggest hits, but shoved here since they had no place else to put it.
“Moves Like Jagger”: They get to nominate pop superstars Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera in one shot while simultaneously feeding on some of the residual ratings goodness from The Voice.
The delicate machinations involved in coming up with this category in exactly this way is such a thing of beauty that I don’t even care who wins. We win. We all win.
Who should win: Foster The People, “Pumped Up Kicks”
Who will win: Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse, “Body and Soul”
Best Pop Vocal Album:
Adele, 21
Cee-Lo Green, The Lady Killer
Lady Gaga, Born This Way
Bruno Mars, Doo-Wops & Hooligans
Rihanna, Loud
Why is this necessary? It’s just “Album of the Year” minus the Foo Fighters. The only way it’d be interesting is if Cee-Lo wins, just because they’d have no explanation for how his album was better than four of the supposed best albums of the year. Also, it’s an R&B album. I’m rooting for inconsistency.
Who should win: Adele, 21
Who will win: Adele, 21
Who should win for comedy value and to confuse everyone: Cee-Lo Green, The Lady Killer
Best Rock Performance:
Coldplay, “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall”
The Decemberists, “Down By The Water”
Foo Fighters, “Walk”
Mumford & Sons, “The Cave”
Radiohead, “Lotus Flower”
This one’s more interesting than you think. Do they stay consistent and go with Record of the Year nominee “The Cave”? Do they make sure Dave Grohl gets something and go with “Walk”? Do they give the Grammy imprimatur to the overdue Decemberists for arguably their best and certainly their most accessible album? Do they think giving enough secondary awards to Radiohead will make up for the lack of a major award? Coldplay? It’s wide open.
Who should win: Radiohead, “Lotus Flower”
Who will win: Foo Fighters, “Walk”
Best Rock Album:
Jeff Beck, Rock ‘N’ Roll Party Honoring Les Paul
Foo Fighters, Wasting Light
Kings of Leon, Come Around Sundown
Red Hot Chili Peppers, I’m With You
Wilco, The Whole Love
Another interesting category, except that it feels like the Kings of Leon album came out three years ago. Never underestimate the voters’ desire to heap accolades onto two rock veterans at once a la Jeff Beck and the music of Les Paul. Wilco’s probably just happy to be there. I say it’s a two-man race between the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Foo Fighters—especially since both of their previous albums won this category—with Dave Grohl and company narrowly winning their fourth Best Rock Album trophy.
Who should win: Foo Fighters, Wasting Light
Who will win: Foo Fighters, Wasting Light
Best Alternative Music Album:
Bon Iver, Bon Iver
Death Cab For Cute, Codes And Keys
Foster The People, Torches
My Morning Jacket, Circuital
Radiohead, The King of Limbs
It’s always fun to see what the Grammys consider “alternative.” Foster The People was just in the pop category. Wait…what? Radiohead was just in the rock song category. Wait…what? I know, I know, they’re trying. I didn’t really expect Fucked Up, Tune-Yards, M83, TV On The Radio, and St. Vincent to be squaring off here.
All worthy contenders, but after several attempts, this is where they get Bon Iver his trophy. He won’t be in attendance, and they’ll read his name via press release three hours before the telecast. Both sides walk away with dignity intact.
Who should win: Bon Iver, Bon Iver
Who will win: Bon Iver, Bon Iver
Best Rap Performance:
Chris Brown, Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes, “Look At Me Now”
Jay-Z & Kanye West, “Otis”
Lupe Fiasco, “The Show Goes On”
Nicki Minaj & Drake, “Moment 4 Life”
Wiz Khalifa, “Black And Yellow”
There’s sadly some anticipation about Chris Brown’s return to the Grammys. Umm…we do realize he only missed the last one because he viciously assaulted one of the nominees hours before the show, right? Anyway, give the award to Jay-Z and Kanye, get them to show up and do a ten-minute freestyle on an opulent stage setting with a full marching band and Cirque du Soleil performers accompanying them for no reason at all, let Jay make a treacly thank-you to his young daughter that everyone will “awww” at, then ponder how voters missed the other slam dunk of the year when they failed to nominate Watch The Throne in the big categories.
Who should win: Jay-Z & Kanye West, “Otis”
Who will win: Jay-Z & Kanye West, “Otis”
Best Rap Album:
Jay-Z & Kanye West, Watch The Throne
Lil Wayne, Tha Carter IV
Lupe Fiasco, Lasers
Nicki Minaj, Pink Friday
Kanye West, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Kanye’s nominated twice. Does he throw a tantrum for not winning for whatever album of his doesn’t win? Does he get pissed if they don’t split the vote? Does he get pissed if they do split the vote, only he can’t admit to Jay-Z that his solo album was far superior to their collaborative effort? Little suspense here, but easily the winner of this year’s “Category That’s Most Fun to Psychoanalyze” award.
Who should win: Kanye West, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Who will win: Kanye West, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Best Country Album:
Jason Aldean, My Kinda Party
Eric Church, Chief
Lady Antebellum, Own The Night
Blake Shelton, Red River Blue
George Strait, Here For A Good Time
Taylor Swift, Speak Now
I only heard Eric Church’s Chief. It was great. I candidly will admit I have no interest in hearing the rest. Also, Taylor Swift wins. (I’m way too blue state for in-depth discussion of this category.)
Who should win: Eric Church, Chief
Who will win: Taylor Swift, Speak Now
Best Blues Album:
Gregg Allman, Low Country Blues
Marcia Ball, Roadside Attractions
Warren Haynes, Man In Motion
Keb Mo, The Reflection
Tedeschi Trucks Band, Revelator
I just love the subplot of three members of the Allman Brothers Band (Gregg Allman, Warren Haynes, Derek Trucks) facing off in one category. All three released great albums, but when in doubt, go with the veteran.
Who should win: Tedeschi Trucks Band, Revelator
Who will win: Gregg Allman, Low Country Blues
Best Folk Album:
The Civil Wars, Barton Hollow
Steve Earle, I’ll Never Get Out Of This World Alive
Fleet Foxes, Helplessness Blues
Eddie Vedder, Ukulele Songs
Gillian Welch, The Harrow & The Harvest
I should preface this by saying I like all of the acts nominated here. That being said, this is the first category where not ONE nominee is regularly described as performing the genre they’re nominated for. There are elements of folk in their work, these artists are inspired by folk, but not one song here would fit alongside anything on Harry Smith’s anthology. (The closest would be Gillian Welch, but she still hews closer to Americana/traditional music.) I’m scared and confused. Pete Seeger might die moments before this award is handed out just so he has a grave to roll over in. Let’s just move on.
Who should win: Fleet Foxes, Helplessness Blues
Who will win: The Civil Wars, Barton Hollow
Best Contemporary Christian Music Album:
Gungor, Ghosts Upon The Earth
Brandon Heath, Leaving Eden
Leeland, The Great Awakening
Mandisa, What If We Were Real
Royal Tailor, Black & White
Chris Tomlin, And If Our God Is For Us…
Only one nominee has God in the title. So…that one. Okay, while that reasoning sounds glib, it’s no more informed than the opinion of the record executive half-heartedly skimming the ballot during a limousine blow job who actually will be voting for this category.
Who should win: Something, something, something, Tebow
Who will win: Chris Tomlin, And If Our God Is For Us…
That’s it until Sunday night when we find out how I did. The 54th Grammy Awards, only on…crap, I wish they had reminded me which network it airs on at some point.
About myfprants
She deserve the award.
Adele is Remarkable! And, I don’t even care that much about Adele’s music.